1371
o
Self-restricting statements: "I'll speak up providing
no one's feelings will be hurt." "I'd give an opinion if I
had all the facts." "I'd approach him/her if I could think
of something witty to say."
o
Witch messages -- "Don't be yourself; they won't like
you." "Don't be different... don't be like your father...
like a sissy... like a pushy boss... like an egghead
professor..."
3.
Illogical thinking: (see method #8)
o
False or unfounded conclusions -- "If she doesn't
love me, no one will." "He smiled; I think he is turned on
by my body." "He/she loves me so much; he/she will
make the changes I want him/her to make." "I won't be
able to find a job and support myself, it's hopeless." "I
know they are making it hard for me, that makes me
mad." Eric Berne realized that some people tend to
respond again and again with the same emotional
response, say self-criticism, pessimism, or anger. He
called this reoccurring emotion the patient's "racket."
The racket--an emotion based on faulty thinking--has
become a basic part of your personality.
o
Misattribution -- often we blame our feelings on
someone or something else. Examples: "You make me
so mad." "This setting is depressing." "Depressed people
get me down." "I did it because I was drinking." "I only
hit you because you were trying to make me jealous."
Often we blame the victim.
o
Overgeneralization, exaggeration, or either/or
thinking -- anytime we use never, always, or
everything, we are probably over generalizing. Also,
many of us over-emphasize the importance of a
blemish, a mistake, our looks, etc. Another problem is
when vague words are used, like "success," "happiness,"
or "good." If terms like these aren't carefully defined,
how do you know you have reached that condition?
Then, some people use either/or reasoning: "If I'm not
(successful) yet, I must be a failure." That is foolish; it
would be better to think in terms of percentage--how
successful have I been? How happy am I? How much
progress have I made?
This step is to introduce the idea of irrational thoughts that cause
unwanted emotions. It is a giant leap from recognizing these irrational
ideas to getting rid of them. In fact, Ellis says we never learn to think
straight all the time. How many wrong ideas most of us retain is not
known yet. Certainly, a better understanding of rational, adaptive
thinking would help all of us. In the following steps, we will study ways
to detect and correct your own unique, well hidden, wrong and
disturbing ideas.
STEP TWO: Try to find more rational sentences to say to
yourself.
