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The task is to ferret out irrational ideas but the surface symptoms-
-the emotions--are much easier to see than the underlying thoughts--
the irrational ideas. Therefore, look for and write down on a 3 X 5 card
each unwanted feeling and the situation, interactions, thoughts and/or
fantasies associated with that feeling. Do this whenever you have
exaggerated, prolonged, or possibly unjustified emotional reactions,
whenever you are frustrated and think things "should" be different,
whenever you respond differently than others do, whenever you have
emotional responses you don't understand or don't like, whenever you
feel pushed by your own internal pressures and so on.
Obviously, different people respond differently to the same
situation. Surely some of these emotional differences are due to how
these people see the situation differently and how they talk to
themselves about the situation. Do the ways you respond differently
from others reveal some of your partially hidden ideas? What do you
say to yourself when breaking up with someone? when failing to do as
well as you would like? when starting a difficult new project? when
being criticized? when you feel something is awful? Negative feelings
reflect negative self-talk. Changes in feelings usually follow changes in
views or ideas. Make a practice of noting when your emotions change
and then (in the next step) looking for your internal judgments and
self-talk in these situations. Your ideas may explain your feelings.
When you feel the need to escape, e.g. "I want to get out of here"
or "I need a drink," it is possible that your self-talk is creating this
urge to act or this internal pressure. Maybe you are driving yourself
too hard with "be perfect," "try harder," and "don't show your anger"
self-instructions. Look for these thoughts. Likewise, when we avoid our
work and procrastinate by eating, drinking, cleaning, watching TV,
etc., we may be telling ourselves lies, such as "I can easily do it
tomorrow," "I'll work after watching TV," "I won't do it right," "I can't
learn all that stuff--it's useless anyway" or "They will probably make
fun of my work." Who wouldn't try to avoid all those negative self-
evaluations by escaping into some other activity? Who wouldn't use
excuses if we didn't question their validity?
STEP FOUR: Explore the underlying rational and irrational ideas
in each situation. Challenge your crazy ideas and decide on
more rational ways of thinking. This is "cognitive
restructuring."
Take all your 3 X 5 cards with a brief description of the situation on
the top and arrange them in order of severity. Beneath the description,
draw a line down the middle of the card. The right side will be used
later for more rational ways of looking at it. On the left, list the
irrational ideas possibly causing this unwanted emotional reaction. A
review of the common irrational ideas and the driver, self-critical, and
illogical messages described in step 1 should help.
In other words, whenever you have an unwanted emotion, go
looking for the possible underlying thoughts. Examples:
