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shouldn't have happened or to "rant and rave" that you can't stand it.
Intense reactions, when carried on excessively long, become irrational
over-reactions. At least to some extent these extreme emotions are
based on or augmented by irrational thoughts which can be
eliminated.
To reduce or prevent intense, prolonged, irrational anger,
anxiety, depression, guilt, feelings of inferiority or
worthlessness, jealousy, dependency, and other such emotions.
To learn more rational ways to view life, more honest ways to
evaluate oneself, and more reasonable expectations to have of
oneself and others.
To recognize that we can not understand ourselves or others
without knowing the "internal environment," i.e. how the
person views or interprets the situation and what the person is
saying to him/herself.
Steps
STEP ONE: Identify your irrational ideas.
Until recently it was thought that only 10 or 12 common irrational
ideas caused most of human misery (Ellis & Harper, 1975). Now, it is
thought that there are thousands of misery-causing false ideas (Ellis,
1987), a few of them are very obviously irrational but many are subtle
and more convincing (but still wrong). As these ideas are described,
think about your own thoughts, attitudes, and self-talk. To what extent
do you think this way?
It is necessary for me to describe several irrational thoughts
because we differ very much in terms of how we think. You will not
have all the harmful thoughts that I describe; you may have only two
or three, but they could be enough to make you miserable.
Unfortunately, you will have to skim all the ideas below to find the few
that are giving you trouble. Here are the common, fairly obvious
irrational ideas described by Albert Ellis which create unwanted
emotions:
1.
Everyone should love and approve of me (if they don't, I feel
awful and unlovable).
2.
I should always be able, successful, and "on top of things" (if
I'm not, I'm an inadequate, incompetent, hopeless failure).
3.
People who are evil and bad should be punished severely (and I
have the right to get very upset if they aren't stopped and
made to "pay the price").
4.
When things do not go the way I wanted and planned, it is
terrible and I am, of course, going to get very disturbed. I can't
stand it!
5.
External events, such as other people, a screwed-up society, or
bad luck, cause most of my unhappiness. Furthermore, I don't
have any control over these external factors, so I can't do
anything about my depression or other misery.
