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It is very obvious that we are not influenced by "facts" but by our
interpretation of the facts.
-Alfred Adler
If the theory is true that irrational ideas cause most of your
intense, long-lasting, unwanted emotional reactions, then there is a
simple solution: change your thinking! Actually that may not be as
easy as it sounds but that is exactly what Rational-Emotive therapy
tries to do. It identifies the patient's unreasonable thoughts and
immediately confronts or challenges these problem-producing ideas so
that the patient will think differently--see things in a different way--
and, thus, feel differently. Thus, this therapy involves persuasion,
arguments, logic, and education--essentially insisting that the person
be rational and scientific. If you don't have a therapist, you can try to
persuade yourself that certain thoughts are unreasonable.
What kinds of ideas are irrational and make us upset or "sick"? Ellis
and Harper (1975) described ten common irrational ideas, such as
"everyone should love and approve of me," "I must be competent; it
would be awful to fail," "when bad things happen, I am unavoidably
very unhappy and should be," "it is terrible when things don't go the
way I want," and so on (see step one below). There are hundreds of
such ideas which transform, for some people, life's ordinary
disappointments into terrible, awful catastrophes. Preferences that are
quite reasonable are made in our minds into absolutely unreasonable
shoulds, musts, and demands which are very upsetting. Mole hills
become mountains. We talk ourselves into emotional traumas; yet,
the upset person thinks the external events, not his/her
thoughts, are upsetting him/her. Ellis called this mental process
"awfulizing" or "catastrophizing." It is described as a factor in
depression in chapter 6.
What is rational thinking? First, as Carl Rogers said, "the facts are
friendly." We must face the truth; that's rational. Secondly, if we view
reality as a determinist (see next method), we will tell ourselves that
"whatever happens is lawful, not awful." Everything has a cause(s).
The connections (called laws) between causes and effects are
inevitable, the nature of things. So, when something happens that you
don't like, don't get all bent out of shape, just accept that the event
had its necessary and sufficient causes (and try to change it the next
time). Thirdly, Ellis urges us to constantly use the scientific
methods of objective observation and experimentation, i.e. the
systematic manipulation of variables to see what happens. For
example, if you think no one would accept a date with you, Ellis would
give you an assignment to ask out five appropriate, interesting people.
If your belief (that no one will go out with you) proved to be correct
with those five people, then Ellis would direct you to start manipulating
variables, e.g. how can your appearance or approach be improved,
