1369
6.
When the situation is scary or going badly, I should and can't
keep from worrying all the time.
7.
It is easier for me to overlook or avoid thinking about tense
situations than to face the problems and take the responsibility
for correcting the situation.
8.
I need someone--often a specific person--to be with and lean
on (I can't do everything by myself).
9.
Things have been this way so long; I can't do anything about
these problems now.
10. When my close friends and relatives have serious problems it is
only right and natural that I get very upset too.
11. I don't like the way I'm feeling but I can't help it. I just have to
accept it and go with my feelings.
12. I know there is an answer to every problem. I should find it (if I
don't, it will be awful).
Note all the "things-should-be-different" ideas mentioned or
implied in these statements, including one's own helplessness. Our
desires or preferences become "musts" or demands. Much of this self-
talk suggests an underlying cry that things should be different, almost
like a child's whine that the situation is awful, "I hate it," and it must
be changed. Perhaps the common ridiculous notion that "you can be
anything you want to be" also contributes to these unreasonable
expectations. No one can be anything they want to be! A rock star? A
Olympic champion? President? The person loved by the next door
neighbor? Sometimes "if you just try hard enough" is subtly added to
"you can be anything..." to make it more believable (like the subtle
ideas below) but then a person's modest efforts become the basis for a
demand: "I worked so hard, it really ticks me off that I only got a 'C'
or didn't get a raise."
How many of these 12 irrational ideas are similar to your own self-
statements? How many sound pretty reasonable to you? The more of
these irrational ideas you believe, the more likely you are to be upset
and have unreasonable feelings. However, just one irrational idea may
be all you need to become distraught. Furthermore, Ellis (1987) has
recently suggested that one reason why people keep on getting upset
(even after reading Ellis's books and having Rational-Emotive therapy)
is because they have rejected most of the obvious irrational ideas but
retained some of the subtle ones:
1.
Of course, I can't totally please everyone all the time, but I
must have approval of certain people because I have been
rejected and hurt... because I was spoiled with lots of love as a
child... because I really try hard to please... because I feel so
upset when I'm not approved... because I only want a little
approval... because I'm a special person... and so on.
2.
I know I can't be perfectly competent all the time in every area,
but I must succeed on this project because I want to excel so
badly... because I really try hard and deserve it... because I
have done so well in the past (or failed so often)... because I
