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Give yourself a chance to strive for excellence--dream big and go
for it. Keep in mind: when your achievements merely meet
expectations, that is nice (you haven't failed), but it is only when you
achieve well beyond everyone's expectations that you are really
successful and feel great. So set your sights high. It takes courage to
face the risk of failure. It takes a strong will to accomplish hard jobs.
There are many inspiring stories of triumph over adversity. The story of Abraham Lincoln is one. He had
failed in business twice and lost an election by the time he was 24. He had also lost his mother early in life,
lost a lover (at 29), reluctantly married a neurotic woman (32), lost his father (43), and lost a child (53).
Although elected to the state legislature (25) and U. S. Congress (at 37 for one term only), he lost elections
as speaker (29), congressman (twice--34 & 39), senator (twice--45 & 49), and vice-president of the United
States (47). Lincoln in his late twenties and early thirties suffered such severe depression that friends took
away his knives and razors. Yet, he learned to handle his defeats to become one of our most sensitive,
humble, and greatest presidents (51-56).
Time involved
Self-confrontation and seeing ourselves realistically are life-long
endeavors. There are so many parts of our selves and some parts are
so well hidden that the exploration is never completed. Nevertheless,
some of us are far more "aware" than others. But changing from
moderately unaware to very aware would ordinarily take months or a
few years of concerted efforts. Perhaps the most dramatic
transformations are among people who have had extensive
psychotherapy or who have gone through several years of training in
clinical psychology.
Common problems
Much of this method is similar to the methods in chapter 15. The
barriers and resistance to uncovering unpleasant characteristics about
ourselves are the same. Most people will quickly "brush off" these
ideas. The best you can hope for is a continuing awareness of these
tendencies (self-aggrandizement, excuses, fears) so that you can
remain on guard against their getting out of control.
Reading can open our eyes but getting feedback from others is
probably the most common way of finding out about ourselves. It isn't
that others explicitly tell you a lot about yourself, more often the views
of others are eked out as a result of interactions. For instance, other
people's behaviors have implications to and about us: if others are
unfriendly, we start to wonder what about us keeps them at a
distance. If others impose on us for favors, we question why and so
on. These are valuable insights.
