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Growth groups use a good exercise for getting feedback: ask each
person to anonymously list two positive traits and two negative traits
(or 2 suggestions for improvement) for every other person in the
group. The leader reads aloud the descriptions for each person. You
can take notes about how the others see you, then share how you feel
about the feedback and ask for clarification.
Adler said we came to know and like ourselves by developing our
capacity to care for others. Maybe we must love others before we can
love ourselves...or is it the reverse? Maybe both loves (for others and
for ourselves) grow together. It is pretty clear that one of the
enormous pay offs for being good is self-respect.
A little girl was returning from the house next door where her friend had just died and her father asked,
"Where have you been?" "Next door," she answered. "Why did you go there?" asked the father. "To comfort
the mother," said the girl. "How could you do that?" he asked. "I climbed into her lap and cried with her."
-Anonymous
STEP SIX: Take personality tests that will confirm or question
your notions about yourself.
Just as feedback from others is a way of getting to know yourself,
similarly taking psychological tests is another good way of discovering
more about ourselves. The details of this method are dealt with in
chapter 15.
STEP SEVEN: A healthy, attractive body in good condition
contributes to self-respect.
People who exercise and stay in shape are less depressed and
more self-accepting (McCann & Holmes, 1984).
STEP EIGHT: Work on self-actualization; in order to excel, which
usually means doing better than anyone else expected of you,
it takes hard work and courage.
Lastly, keep in mind that "knowing thyself" at this moment is only
a part of a life-long endeavor to create a self you admire. Insight is not
the end goal, changing is the goal. Changing into what? Your choice.
But see the characteristics of a mature, self-actualized person in
chapter 9. Consider striving for those traits. Remember from chapter 6
that happiness is related to being a good person, job satisfaction,
family satisfaction, education, income and status as well as self-
esteem.
