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Compare this "awful" situation with a serious problem, such as a
relative or loved one dying, losing your sight, etc. Ask yourself, "Am I
making too much out of this?"
The most effective technique may be to find a basic value you
really believe in that counters the harmful irrational belief.
Examples:
Harmful belief
Contradicting value
I always fail.
I can't control the outcome, only how
hard I try. (Inspiring stories of success
through hard work might help overcome
a defeatist attitude.)
They won't like me, if I am
different.
My religion tells me what is right and
wrong, so I'd rather be liked by God and
Jesus or Mohammed than by these critical
friends.
He left me for a young,
pretty woman. It's terrible.
I'm a caring, interesting, intelligent
person, too bad he was hung up on looks.
(Reading about gratifying careers and/or
second marriages might help this person
turn from the past to the future.)
I want lots of "things."
Being a loving person with a gratifying
family life and close friends is much more
important than working 10 to 12 hours a
day so I can buy things.
Finally, keep in mind that the upsetting irrational ideas may no
longer be conscious or may not even exist at all. For example, it
seems possible that irrational ideas originally produced the unwanted
emotions, but in the process of being repeated over and over in
association with a specific situation, these ideas may have become
abbreviated or even omitted altogether from the chain reaction of
situation-ideas-emotions. In this case, the situation may elicit
(condition?) the emotion directly. Nevertheless, it may be helpful to
guess at what the original irrational ideas might have been and
then develop a more rational outlook and plan (this is an unproven
method, in contrast to desensitization). For example, one may have
become shy by using self-talk like "they won't like me" or "I'm not
attractive." Shyness might be gradually overcome by supportive self-
talk, "I can find interesting things to talk about" and "Being a caring
person will make up for my weaknesses."
The crux of this method is the recognizing, questioning,
challenging, and changing each irrational idea. The new thinking is
based on facts. You are your-own-scientist, checking out your own
ideas. It is an unending process; rational people must constantly
monitor their beliefs about the past and expectations about the future,
repeatedly asking, "What is the evidence?"
