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why an athlete doesn't play well. Even the procrastinator (see chapter
4) has an excuse for not doing well--"I put off studying." Furthermore,
all these excuses--drinking, illness, or disorganization--afford another
special pay off, namely, they permit the user to continue his/her self-
concept that he/she has the ability to do really well if he/she had really
tried. Obviously, if you use excuses and believe your own excuses, you
are not seeing your real self. Do you use excuses?
In summary, (1), (2) and (3) suggest that some of us have strong
tendencies to think we are right--almost a determination to prove we
are right or superior and others are wrong or weak. In addition, (4)
implies that we shield ourselves from seeing our weaknesses, so we
can go on feeling superior (see chapters 5 and 15). Yet, such a
misinformed person will surely eventually have difficulty relating to
others and coping with life. Also, all this unconscious conniving to help
us feel superior raises a question: Doesn't some part of us have to
know or suspect we are inferior-to-our-aspirations before these
defenses would be erected? I think so, just like the braggart shows
signs of self-doubt by boasting too much.
STEP TWO: Recognize the barriers to growing, learning, and
being the best one can be.
Sometime changes, even self-improvements and career
advancements, can be more scary than satisfying. A person may feel
fairly content day to day but over a period of time become concerned
that he/she is in a rut, unable to make his/her life better. There are
two kinds of barriers to change: (a) it is comfortable to just be
yourself and (b) fears can be a barrier to succeeding. This comfort
with yourself can be a problem, e.g. suppose you have a terrible
temper. You have learned over the years to accept being "hot
headed"--it is part of your self-concept. You may not like your temper
but it is an established, permitted part of you. Criminals sometimes
feel they were meant to defy the law and be punished. Students
sometimes think of themselves as poor readers or writers or test-
takers and readily accept low grades. Our self-concept develops over
the years--it is us. Any challenge to our view of ourselves is
threatening, something to be resisted. For instance, if a normally mild
tempered person flies into a rage, he may say, "I wasn't myself." We
protect our self-concept. There is a tendency to continue acting out
our self-concept; this inhibits change. Now, let's consider several fears
that also inhibit change.
(1) The fear of growing up. As we outgrow the relaxed,
pleasure-oriented habits of childhood, we are expected to become
more reasonable, more responsible, and more mature. Being grown up
may mean giving up an easy life, working steadily, exercising self-
control, taking care of others, being assertive, overcoming shyness,
making sure things get done, etc. These changes can be a hassle and
even scary.
