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may seem strange at first to have this intellectual argument between
your irrational ideas and your rational ideas, but keep trying. The
unwanted emotional response will fade away and, as that happens,
your belief in the rational ideas will be strengthened. Move on to
imagining situations that evoke stronger emotions. Learn to change
your intense, "awful" emotional reactions to more reasonable
reactions: overwhelming depression becomes sadness or regrets; rage
becomes irritation or a wish that things had been different, and so on.
This procedure, called Rational-Emotive Imagery, has some
similarity with self-instructions in chapter 11, desensitization in
chapter 12, constructive fantasy in chapter 13, this chapter's method
#1 about the internal self-critic, and also method #9 in this chapter
about positive, coping attitudes.
This step provides practice at attacking irrational ideas and
reducing the unwanted emotions. It is preparation for real life in which
you can start telling yourself rational things as an irrational emotion
begins.
STEP SIX: Anticipate emotional responses. Attack every
irrational idea as it occurs. Insist on behavioral changes too.
Accept what you can't change.
This method is to be applied every minute of every day; otherwise,
the irrational ideas will return and gather strength. Just like the
therapist does, whenever you start to feel upset, ask yourself, "What
crazy idea am I telling myself now?" Insist that you think factually and
rationally. You must also behave more rationally! Albert Ellis gives
"homework assignments." For example, you may realize your fear of
flying is irrational. That isn't enough. You have to fly--several times.
You must start doing the things that have been upsetting you--getting
turned down for a date, speaking up at meetings, going out without
make up, getting a "C," standing up for your rights, etc.
Staying rational is a life-long preoccupation. There are many
obstacles: negative views are very resistive to change; the old "do's
and don’ts" are very powerful; the belief that "I will be okay if I can
only reach some lofty goal" is hard to shake; the idea that "I can't
change" is an enormous barrier; if new thoughts are tried out, the
internal perfectionist may say, "You are messing up this new self-talk;
you'll never learn; besides, it won't help much anyway." You have to
keep slugging away at irrational ideas month after month. Positive
self-talk has to become automatic. Logical reasoning is hard work.
Many people give up before the job is done.
Time involved
Just understanding the basic idea may reduce certain irrational
emotions rather quickly. Working through the above steps, however,
will take several hours plus time each day to counteract the unwanted
emotions as they occur and to do "homework" that contradicts the
