1345
But your rational part can learn to recognize the critic and turn it
off. How? See the next several steps. But, first, you have to detect the
critic's work. So, for two or three days keep a record of every self-
critical thought or feeling you have. Then search for the purpose
served by the self-criticism, like this:
Your internal critic says
How the critic is trying to help
you
"You have no skills; you're going
to be unemployed."
Motivating you.
"You think you're so smart; what
about that tire around your
middle?"
Keeping you aware of things that
need attention.
"Don't speak out, you'll say
something stupid."
Avoiding embarrassment.
"He/she would never go out with
you."
Avoiding disappointment.
"You'd like to join a discussion
group, theater, literary club, etc.
but you'd look stupid."
Avoiding challenges and
community responsibility.
"You really messed up. You did
terribly."
Seeking sympathy or support
(or avoiding criticism).
Try to figure out the background and purpose of each of your
critical thoughts. Does the negative thought yield a pay off? What does
this fault keep you from doing? Does it help you avoid or reduce some
other feeling, such as fear or anxiety or guilt or anger? Does the
criticism help you accomplish something or to feel better because you
had high standards or criticized yourself? What would happen if you
didn't have this negative thought or trait? This diary and these
thoughts should give you some explanations of how your critic got so
strong by serving certain purposes.
STEP TWO: Challenge the internal critic. Then use healthier
ways of achieving the critic's purposes.
First, check out the accuracy of each critical thought. What is the
objective evidence? If you see that the internal critic has been overly
critical or exaggerated your fault and if you understand what payoffs
the critic is getting, you are better able to discount what he/she says.
Then, you will feel better. Examples of how to challenge the critic by
saying more reasonable, self-tolerant things to your internal critic:
"You are cutting me down like my parents did, and I'm still
accepting this stuff like an unthinking child. I'm not going to
take it any more. Knock it off!"
