1342
2.
"I'm tough. I can do it. I'm braver and more adventurous than
others."
3.
"I deserve it. I should suffer."
If you respond self-critically, as in #3, you surely have a mean
internal critic. Similar careful observations of what you say to yourself
moment by moment will help you decide how destructive your critic is.
For instance, note how you talk yourself into getting up in the
morning:
1.
"It's going to be a wonderful day! I want to get started."
2.
"Oh, God, I've got so much to do today: 1__ 2__ 3__; I'd
better get up."
3.
"You are such a lazy slob. Get your butt out of here."
Several examples of a destructive internal critic will be given later
in this method. But, it is important to note that the internal critic is
often seen as doing good too. The "self" may, in fact, feel that the
internal critic serves many important specific purposes (like getting
you up). Therefore, the critic is reinforced (via negative reinforcement)
when it helps us out of some mess, as when we say "Wow, I'm glad I
got up and got things done this morning" (Mc Kay & Fanning, 1987).
What useful purposes do you feel your critic is serving? It may seem to
help you overcome laziness and do what needs to be done. It may
seem to help you avoid painful feelings by stopping some act that
would cause shame or guilt. The critic may seem, ironically, to help
you tolerate certain disliked parts of yourself, such as it.
Examples: when the internal critic tells you, "He/she won't like
you, don't approach him/her," the critic is protecting you from social
stress and from the fear of rejection. If the critic says, "You can't do
that," it is helping you avoid a situation in which you might fail. If your
critic repeatedly says, "You were terrible to have done that," it is
punishing you so you won't have to feel so much guilt. Thus, we often
tolerate and even welcome the internal critic as a necessity. The
question is: can a person achieve these purposes without having a
destructive internal critic? The answer seems to be "yes."
You can produce the desired behavior in other ways. You can
correct the critic when it exaggerates your negative traits. You can use
thought stopping (see chapter 11) to silence the critic. You can stop
depending on others for your self-esteem; do your own self-
evaluation. You can accentuate your strengths and assets. You can
learn to accept yourself--warts and all--just like a good therapist would
accept you in therapy. You can avoid the tyranny of your own
"shoulds," your perfectionistic tendencies, your over-reactions to
criticism, and your domination by others. You can modify your
negative traits; you can feel good and adequate by being good and
adequate.
It is also important to keep in mind that a poor self-concept can be
dealt with at other levels, not just by changing your thinking. For
