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masks and being able to predict our own behavior as well as seeing
ourselves as others do. Self-monitors with high public self-
consciousness often use many masks to manage the impressions they
make on others. They may even, at times, pretend to believe and feel
differently than they really do. Sometimes, this is conscious deception,
i.e. just "putting your best foot forward," not self-deception, but
sometimes high self-monitors are not sure themselves what is their
"pretend self" and what is their "real self" (Snyder, 1983). Other
people are low self-monitors with little social awareness and/or with
pretty fixed ideas about what they should be like; they may want to
"tell it like it is" or they may just not care what others think of them.
These low self-monitors may or may not be aware of all their parts--
urges and feelings--inside; there is only a moderate correlation
between private and public self-consciousness. The major point is: we
can't be consciously in control of ourselves if we aren't aware of all our
"selves."
To Thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
-Shakespeare, Hamlet
Everyone recognizes that how a person sees him/herself is not
necessarily the way it is. Thus, for every aspect of our lives (every
part), there are three selves: (1) the perceived self--the way we see
that part of ourselves, (2) the real self--the way we truly are, and (3)
the ideal self--the way we would like to be in that area. Research has
shown that a big discrepancy between the perceived self and the real
self or the ideal self will probably lead to unhappiness and poor
adjustment. This method is concerned with our misperceptions of our
real self. Obviously, our errors can involve thinking we are better or
worse (see the last method) than we actually are and refusal to admit
certain parts of ourselves.
It is well known that self-deception and defense mechanisms, as
described in chapters 5 and 15, lower our anxiety and protect our self-
esteem by helping us deny our bad parts and avoid reality. In a similar
way, many of us put ourselves in the best possible light by (1) taking
credit for our accomplishments but denying blame for our failures, (2)
exaggerating our own importance, (3) assuming that others need to
change, not us, and (4) seeking or maybe even designing in advance
excuses for our failures. Almost all of us want to be happy and like
ourselves. But should we lie to ourselves? Being honest with ourselves
is a crucial first step towards coping with reality (Hamachek, 1987).
