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detect any indication that we might be rejected, our feelings of self-
esteem immediately plummet. It is a signal to mend our relationships.
Low self-esteem may associated with depression, tension, joining
gangs, drugs, etc. because sensing that we are rejected causes us to
feel bad, self-critical, and hopeless. Thus, the way to correct the
sinking feeling of low self-esteem is not to force yourself to think
positive thoughts about yourself but rather to take action to improve
your relationships with others.
There may be an even bigger issue. What if the modern self-
concept, becoming more and more individualistic, is completely
misdirected? For instance, what if I focus so much attention on my
goals, my assets, my failures, my self-awareness, and my self-
criticism, that I lose sight of the rest of the world? What if I take this
self-centered orientation because that view serves society's and
industry's need for me to feel insecure and threatened, resulting in my
buying many expensive things that I really don't need to own
exclusively by myself? What if instead of seeing myself as one lone
person in the world competing against everyone else (except maybe
spouse and children), threatened from many directions, and subject to
criticism from every quarter, I saw myself primarily as merely one
among many in a cohesive community (a small town, an important
business, a needed profession, etc.) or, even, as just one person
among 5 billion intelligent, fair humans? Only 50 years ago, many
people saw themselves primarily as a loved, secure part of an
extended family or of a religious group, much more than they saw
themselves as an isolated, self-aware, self-dependent, morally
confused, self-critical individual. Thus, perhaps re-defining the human
"self" is not impossibly difficult to do. And, perhaps how you define
your self is crucial to how you interact with others. Perhaps as long as
humans think of themselves solely as individuals ("I am me "), they
won't join in forming a caring, loving community ("I am us "), they
won't cooperate and share, they won't put aside individual wants and
advantages for the good of the group. This deserves serious thought
(Cushmen, 1990; Taylor, 1989; Etzione, 1993).
A similar but more sinister view is that the people in power want to
stay in power and "advantaged" ... and what better way to maintain
the status quo than to direct each individual's attention to how he/she
feels about him/herself (rather than towards the faults of the system
or needs of others) and to how it is each person's job to help
him/herself (Kohn, 1994)? Carried to an extreme this would divert us
from building together a better world. But, is there is any reason why
we can't have high self-esteem and also be highly involved in caring
for others (indeed, that may be the best way to self-respect).
Naturally, some possible problems can be found with any specific
social or educational program for building self-esteem, but it would be
hard to fault effective efforts to overcome an overly severe inner critic
that depresses us and interferes with our being successful and good to
others.
