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In this case, A and B can see that they have responded very
differently to the same class. There can be no argument about that.
The class isn't inevitably great or terrible; it meets many peoples'
needs but not everyone's. After the "I" statements, A and B could
discuss their differences and learn more about themselves, each other,
their groups, and the class.
In summary,
An "I" statement may have 2 to 4 parts: (a) it is a self-
disclosure, referring to "I," "me" or "my," (b) it expresses a
feeling, urge or impulse, (c) it may describe the other person's
behavior which is related to your feelings, and (d) it may
indicate what you would like to see changed, much like an
assertive statement.
Assume responsibility for your feelings and opinions, don't hide
behind the "it" or the editorial "we."
Avoid stating personal opinions as facts and avoid the over-
generalizations sometimes implied by forms of the verb "to be,"
like "are," "is," "am" and so on..
Clearly, giving an "I" statement is more constructive than giving an
order, an accusation, a moral judgment, and so on. However, this is
not an easy concept to grasp. The pronoun "you" is used all the time,
many uses are not bad. Try to become aware of the undesirable ways
you use "you."
STEP TWO: Look for opportunities to use "I" statements.
Review the examples of "you" and "we" statements above and see
if any remind you of possible situations in your life. If so, make some
notes on how you could handle such situations differently in the future
and perhaps plan to arrange an opportunity to try out "I" statements.
Pay special attention to stressful relationships or when you want to
communicate in sensitive areas, such as sex, anger, submissiveness
and others.
Look over the purposes mentioned above. Do any apply to you? If
so, give some thought to how you can handle the situations better.
STEP THREE: Practice giving "I" messages in your daily
conversations.
Most of us (me too!) find it hard to change our speech patterns.
We feel awkward. "I" statements seem counter to what we have been
taught in English classes, "Don't say I, I, I." We are self-conscious
about focusing on ourselves. It takes practice to get comfortable with
"I" statements. Role-playing (method #1) may be a good way to start
seeing how well they work.
