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experiences still producing fears and insecurities? (See chapters 10
and 15.)
If the opponent attacks your position or you personally, listen
politely and then try to divert his/her thinking into the constructive
development of a workable option by saying, "That's interesting, what
other ideas do you have that would improve this plan?" Stick with the
win-win philosophy.
On the other hand, it would be foolish not to even consider the
possibility that the negotiations might fail to produce a wonderful
solution. Do all that you can to plan or even develop good alternatives
for your life in case this effort is disappointing.
When the discussion continues to be heated and opponents seem
impossibly at odds, it may be helpful to take a break. If there is a
stalemate, it may be fruitful to call in a mediator. In marriage
counseling and divorce settlements, mediators are especially helpful.
Labor disputes profit from a negotiator. When the animosity is so
intense that it blocks all progress, someone else has to intervene.
When President Carter invited Egypt and Israel to Camp David, the
two countries couldn't negotiate face to face, instead the United States
drafted a written proposal and had each side respond to it, i.e. tell why
they didn't like it. Then the United States drafted another proposal.
Eventually, 21 drafts later, the Camp David Accord was signed.
STEP SEVEN: Agree upon the best compromise solution
available. Try it out.
Consider the pros and cons of each possible solution, based on the
criteria you have agreed to use. Do this cooperatively without either
person dominating the decision-making process. No solution is possible
that will completely satisfy both parties but both parties can be equally
satisfied. It takes time to achieve this balance and still have a solution
that both parties see as a definite "win," not over the opponent but
over the problems.
Work out the details of how to carry out the solution. Who does
what when? Be specific. What responsibilities does each person have?
Decide how to determine if the agreement is working well.
Try out the solution for a week or so, and then re-evaluate it. Set a
date to discuss your progress. Praise each other for making
contributions to the solution. Make more changes as needed.
Time involved
The essence of negotiation is being well informed, patient and
tolerant. All these things take time. Yet, the better deals, the fairer
agreements, and the more cordial relations should make it worth your
time. In many cases, it may be much faster to have cordial, informed
