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proposals so they seem well justified and are easy to agree with, for
example:
"If I check with you first and then make all the arrangements,
wouldn't you like to take one night off each week so we can have some
fun time together?" (Rather than: "It's so boring around here, can't we
do something?")
"We are overdrawn again this month, can we cut down on your
beer and my junk food or is there something else you would rather
cut?" (Rather than: "Do you realize you drink up $15 or $20 a week in
alcohol?")
It may be wise to present your two best alternatives and then ask
the other person which he/she likes best or if he/she can see ways to
improve on your proposals. This shows your flexibility. If the other
person seems unhappy with your suggestions, ask: "What would you
do in my shoes?" or "What don't you like about my suggestion?" These
kinds of discussions may disclose the other person's interests and
motives, which can perhaps be integrated.
It is often to your advantage to consider what your alternatives are
if you do not get your "interests" met through this negotiation process.
If you have other acceptable options (besides the one you are
negotiating for), that gives you some security and some power
because you can always walk away from these negotiations. Also, not
always but sometimes you might be wise to reveal to the other person
that you have other choices. Example: "My father wants me to take
over his Personnel Office but I'd rather work with you." Don't lie, the
employer may just wish you luck in personnel work. If you have no
good alternative (like another job opportunity), present your best
case, appeal to the other person's sense of fairness, and use the
opinions of others or factual information to support your proposals.
Normally, the other person will have his/her own plan or will make
a counter-proposal. Don't immediately attack the plan. Instead,
earnestly ask "why" and "how" these changes will help them and you
(you are looking for a mutually beneficial solution); this discussion will
uncover his/her basic "interests." Give the other person support and
encouragement when he/she proposes solutions that address your
shared interests. Then the best of both plans can be integrated. And,
the remaining disagreements can be discussed and compromises
sought.
STEP FIVE: Watch out for these common pitfalls in negotiations.
One of the most common mistakes is assuming that one proposal
(usually yours) will solve all the problems. So, forget about finding
"the best single answer." In most situations, a good compromise is
made up of several changes that benefit you the most (and the other
person a little) and an equal number of changes that benefit the other
person. So, don't argue over every proposal made; the task is to find
