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Avoid unpleasant memories--"I won most of the time I gambled
last year."
Avoid the truth--"It was an accident; it won't happen again" (a
battered women in an emergency room with a broken arm and
two teeth knocked out). "I only spend a few bucks on drugs
and booze" (a student who spends $25 to $50 a week on drugs
and alcohol).
Avoid reality, replace it with self-enhancing fantasies. John
Dean, President Nixon's Legal Counsel, distorted his role in the
Watergate scandal, making himself appear as having a fantastic
memory (he was frequently wrong), as being highly successful
and praised by Nixon (not true). Our memories often become
wishful fantasies.
I would add to this list: avoid reality by believing in mystical
forces and myths. Did you know that more people in America believe
in ESP than believe in evolution? that 1 in 4 Americans think they have
had a mental telepathy experience? that 1 in 6 have spoken with the
dead? that 66% of Americans believe in the devil? that 1 in 10 say
they have talked with the devil? There is some pay off for believing in
superstition, astrology, and psychics. To the extent we surrender to or
depend on mystical forces, we lose a chance to discover the real
causes and make things better.
Daniel Goleman (1985) provides a fascinating book about self-
deception as a way of avoiding stress. Lockard and Paulhus (1988)
have edited a more specialized text. When patients with a divided
brain are given written instructions to the right half of the brain only,
e.g. "leave the room," they do not realize they received the directions.
Yet, they obey the instructions. Furthermore, they believe they are
directing their own behavior and say, "I want to get a drink." Perhaps
many of the things we think we have consciously decided were actually
decided by unconscious thought processes for reasons unknown to us.
Denying our blind spots makes it impossible to cope. Admitting our
blind spots gives us a chance to cope.
We are taught as children to deny the causes of our emotions.
Children hear: "You make me so mad," "You make me so proud," "I
can't stand the messes you make," and on and on. Is it any wonder
that adults still assume that other people cause their feelings?
It isn't just that we avoid the unpleasant. We also seek support for
our beliefs, our prejudices, our first impressions, our favorite theories,
etc. Example: The psychoanalyst finds sex and aggression underlying
every problem. The behavioral therapist finds the environment causing
every problem. The psychiatrist finds a "chemical imbalance" behind
every unwanted emotion. The religious person sees God everywhere;
the atheist sees Him no where. We all like to be right, so "don't
confuse me with too many facts." As we think more about an issue,
our opinion usually becomes more extreme.
