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approve of sex without affection, about 10% of men say they
approve (Duvall & Miller, 1985). Another argument is that the
sex-is-fun advocate is likely to consider the opposite sex as
mere sex objects ("if they look good, take them to bed"), not
genuine feeling, caring people (see the centerfold syndrome
discussion above). Thus, social disapproval, possible guilt,
"getting a bad reputation," and "being used" are the major
drawbacks of this alternative. Of course, disease and pregnancy
are grave dangers too, if not protected.
While one person may have healthy, reasonable reasons for
freely engaging in sexual intercourse, another person might
have unhealthy, unconscious motives for seeking sex (and not
love primarily), e.g. emotional coldness or a fear of intimacy
(Brooks, 1995; Berman, 1984; Cassell, 1984), using conquests
to boost ego, too much self-love, poor self-control or inability to
say "no," need to control or put-down others, rebellion against
current sexual prudishness, and others. The possibility of these
motives underscores the risk that a person with a liberal sexual
outlook might be unfaithful if the relationship developed into
love. Lots of sexual partners before marriage is correlated with
more extra-marital affairs (Sex, before and after, 1975). On the
other hand, if you are having sex simply for fun, it may not
make much difference if your partner's motives are just as self-
centered and demeaning as yours are..
Note: there seems to be a contradiction between college student morals (no sex
without love; sex with many people is immoral) and their behavior (petting and
sex early in relationships; postponing marriage but having intercourse with
several premarital partners). It is not unusual for behaviors to differ from stated
attitudes, especially where the issue is emotional and confusing. Usually
attitudes are changed over time (years) to catch up with behavior. I suspect the
"sex is great wherever you can get it" view is common among uncommitted men.
But, considering this attitude is so disdained by women, it is a closely guarded
male secret.
General findings: Among college freshmen, 2/3rds of the
males and only 1/3rd of the females agree that "sex is OK if
people like each other." Therefore, among college women, 1/2
have sex while "just dating," 2/3rds have intercourse while
"going steady," and 3/4ths have sex when engaged (Duvall &
Miller, 1985). Recent evidence suggests that in 1990 college
students are waiting longer to have sex and sex is more often
with a "steady" than in 1980 (pre-AIDS). Among all adults,
about 25% think premarital sex is always wrong.
