1020
In the second alternative, intercourse is fun and means "I like
you " as a person and enjoy being with you but having intercourse
does not mean I am making any commitment to you in the future.
This is casual sex. Casual sex doesn't mean being totally without care
and concern for the other person, but the promise of involvement in
the future is not there. When you suggest having sex, in this case, it
simply means you find the other person attractive and interesting,
someone you think you would enjoy being with and having sex. In
order to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings, it is necessary to
be totally honest about your limited interests, emotions, and future
intentions. Of course, this honesty will turn off many people who want
love and the intent to remain involved before having sex. Having your
offer of a good time sexually turned down is the "cost" of being a
decent, honest person (no decent person would lie about his/her
commitment). There is, of course, a possibility of a serious friendship
developing and even for love to develop, but there are no such
promises asked for or made, and such possibilities should be seen as
slim.
Pros: Most of the pleasurable aspects of physical sex (#1)
are true of casual sex too. Since the sexual partner is someone
you know or could call a "friend," you are somewhat less likely
to be considered immoral or "loose." Since you know the
person and there is a chance of additional contacts later on,
you should feel more comfortable and there is less risk of
violence and abuse. The intimacy of sex permits you to find out
more about the person's personality and attitudes than might
otherwise be the case. If there are no future contacts, the
implied "rejection" should be less painful, especially if the
person remains a friend. Roughly half (more men, less women)
approve of casual sex and engage in it while dating in college.
The "friendships" made should be more exciting, more
meaningful, and more memorable than would otherwise be the
case.
Cons: Same as in physical sex (#1). Some people will
consider you immoral. The explicit lack of commitment may
lead to fears of being rejected (not as a lover necessarily, but
as a friend and sex partner). Likewise, few people can be
sexually intimate with one person for any length of time
without starting to want some commitment. And, without some
hint of deeper involvement, one might just leave the
relationship as soon as a problem arose, rather than working it
out. Having sex with a friend increases the chances of losing
the friendship and making the breaking up more stressful. If
the friend is not a good choice as a friend, why would you
spend much time in such a relationship rather than looking for
a person who could meet more of your needs?
After sleeping with a new partner, 14% wonder if it is now a committed
relationship and 62% wonder if it gave them a disease.
