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When an archer misses the mark he turns and looks for the fault within him/herself.
Failure to hit the bull's-eye is never the fault of the target. To improve your aim, improve
yourself.
The part of us (the "adult") that wants to face the truth must be
valued and encouraged. Those of you who have a strong part (the
"child") that is impatient with this topic and wants to get on to
something else are the ones who most need to ask yourself some
questions, such as: Do I give a lot of excuses, like those mentioned
above? Am I a procrastinator (they always self-con, see chapter 4)?
Do I think I could do a lot better if I really tried? If so, why don't I try
to do my very best and honestly observe the results? Do I feel under
the weather more than others--tired, headaches, sleepy, tense (see
chapter 5)? Do I think the way I was raised and other life experiences
are keeping me from getting what I want? Do I so emphasize being
free and happy that I overlook doing for others? (See chapter 3) Do I
use irrational ideas or set unreasonable goals and create my own
sadness or anger? Am I prejudiced? Do I feel superior to certain kinds
of people--and might that be a way of hiding my own undesirable
traits? Do I feel discriminated against, and do I use that as an excuse
for not working harder? Do I have excuses for not asserting myself
and not trying new things? (See chapter 8) Do I play games, as
described earlier in this chapter, and, thereby, excuse myself for being
aggressive or inconsiderate of others?
If you suspect you are deceiving yourself in one or more of these
instances, it is important to face the situation squarely. Think about
your possible underlying motives. Ask a friend who is frank (and
doesn't think you are a candidate for sainthood) if your unconscious
might be at work in certain situations? Accept the way you have been,
but decide how to improve and start self-improving NOW. Don't
continue deceiving yourself and, most importantly, don't continue to
be inconsiderate of others without realizing the harm you are doing.
We can surely find better ways to reduce our tension than by lying to
ourselves and to others.
People—our closest loved ones—cause our problems and provide
relief
Most of us humans are filled with social needs. People are the
primary sources of our misery and our happiness--the sources of our
troubles and our help. Many therapists believe that conflicts with
others account for most stress. Thus, if you went to a psychiatrist or
psychologist with headaches, anxiety, depression, eating disorder, or
