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Contents
Chapter 9: Understanding Ourselves and Our Relationships
Introduction
Theories of Personality
Ancient theories about personality types--Enneagram
Modern theories—Myers-Briggs and Jungian types
Other personality types
Understanding the Parts of Our Personality
Parts: Child (id), Parent (superego), Adult (ego)
Keeping the parts in balance
Other parts and motives—Jung, Adler, Allport
Theories of Development: Becoming a Person
Table 9.1: Stages of development
Personality Involves Relationships with Oneself and Others
Transactional Analysis and life positions
Life Scripts
The notion of human needs
Psychiatric Diagnoses
Psychoses
Adjustment disorders
Personality problems
Traits of a Mature, Self-Actualizing Person
Self-Understanding Can Come in Many Ways
Getting to know your inner child
Let the parts of your personality speak for themselves
Reading for self-understanding: Bibliotherapy
Relationships with Others
Why are relationships with others important?
Why are so many relationships unhappy?
The “games” we play with others
Put downs of others
Put downs of one’s self
Ego-boosting games
Summary of games and how to stop them
Other self-deceptions: Excuses and self-handicapping
People—our closest loved ones—cause our problems and provide relief
Sources of help: Friends, family, self-help groups, therapists
Relationships within the Family
The family
Child care—useful references (and a little history)
Problems within the family (Satir)
Increased child-care role for fathers
How psychological problems begin (parent blaming?)
The causes and results of alcoholism and abuse—clinical vs. research
Alcoholism, neglect and abuse
Do abused kids become abusing parents?
Child sexual abuse (CSA), incest
Web sites about sexual abuse
The effects of traumatic early experiences and poor parenting
Table 9.2: Possible outcomes of possibly harmful childhood experiences
Common Interpersonal Problems and Skills Needed
Fear of approaching someone
Handling the first few minutes
Becoming a good conversationalist
People addicts and people haters
Self-disclosure and self-acceptance
Misunderstandings—checking out your hunches
Empathy responding
Sustaining Long-Term Relationships
Why can’t we communicate?
Being “taken for granted”
Resolving conflicts
Control of and by others
Unconscious controlling of others
How to handle difficult people
Driving each other crazy
Competition and Feeling Superior to Others
Gender differences in values, purposes, self-esteem, and orientation
Competition vs. cooperation (values)
Early developmental differences between boys and girls
Male aggression and female loss of self-esteem
Differences between men and women in conversation
Women’s ways of knowing
Society establishes gender roles for men and women
Gender roles for women
Gender roles for men
More male-female differences
Learning our gender roles: What do we want and expect of each sex?
Misunderstandings between men and women about roles
Chauvinism
Chauvinism as a nation
Chauvinism as parents and in child care
Chauvinism in schools
Chauvinism at work
Selected References for Understanding Relationships
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