825
The ulterior motive: after a fun evening, he asks to take her home
or to stay the night and she responds, "You creep! What do you think I
am? I'm no slut! You are just like all men; all you think about is sex."
Or... he tells her he is in love with her and she sleeps with him, then
he dumps her thinking, "Wow, are women dumb! They will believe
anything you tell them."
The pay offs: to put down the opposite sex, to have an ego trip
proving one's attractiveness, to justify one's anger towards the
opposite sex, to avoid sex and/or an intimate, long-term relationship,
to project dirty, crude sex to males or desperate needs for love to
females, to confirm that I'm OK but you're not OK.
Now I got you, you SOB (referred to as "NIGYSOB")
The set up: the game player uses a minor incident, perhaps an
oversight or a simple error, to "try to help" the other person do better
or to correct some alleged injustice done by the other person.
The ulterior motive: The game player, whose anger has been
secretly building for a long time, has been waiting for (or
manipulating) an ideal occasion which would justify venting his/her full
rage and nailing the other person to the wall. Examples: a rival at
work makes mental notes of all your mistakes and then "tries to help
you" by publicly criticizing you in front of co-workers and the
supervisor. Or... you play NIGYSOB with your boss by finding he/she
has made some mistake and then you denounce him/her as being
inexperienced or stupid to all your buddies. Or... a jilted ex-lover may
confront the former partner about not returning some minor items
(say some bed sheets). The tirade takes place in front of the ex-lover's
new partner and many other vitriolic accusations are thrown in: "You
screw over people and don't care... you are the most arrogant, self-
centered b _ _ _ _ _ I've ever seen...."
The payoffs: As the aggressor, one manufactures an excuse for
venting one's pent-up anger, one can hurt the other person's
reputation, one can avoid recognizing his/her own mistakes and
weaknesses by focusing on the other person's faults, one can build
his/her own ego while demonstrating that other people are SOB's.
If it weren't for you
The set up: a person, usually in a long-term relationship, wants to
explain why he/she has lived the way they have. Example: the
teenager with a mediocre school record says, "My parents weren't
interested in school and didn't make me study." A middle-aged man
says, "I could have been much more successful if I hadn't had to take
care of a wife and family." A housewife says, "I could have gone to
school and had an exciting career if I hadn't done all these things for
my family which no one appreciates."
