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give you even more hope and determination to get the job done. If
you can't become firmly convinced to change and find yourself making
a lukewarm attempt, you will probably not succeed. If changing
doesn't seem worthwhile, maybe you should seek professional help or
talk with a successful self-helper. Others can help you think more
about the above questions and your future. You need determination to
change.
Third, other people are often a crucial factor in determining if we
change or not. Some people encourage our bad habits, e.g. an enabler
minimizes our problem and doesn't confront us, instead they help us
neglect or cover up the problem because they are afraid of straining
the relationship. So avoid enablers. Helpers gently help us think about
our problems and the solutions; yet, they don't push us into premature
action. Admit your reluctance to change to a helpful friend and ask
him/her to share his/her view of your defenses and your reasons for
avoiding changes. This could be an eye opener. Also, look carefully for
helpful programs in your community, such as self-help groups, anti-
smoking programs, weight loss support groups, exercise programs at
work, and so on. These are great opportunities to increase your
awareness of the problems, see your choices, and get more arguments
and support for making changes. Friends, programs, or groups will
help get you started, and, likewise, arranging continuing support will
help keep you on track: work with a buddy, report your progress to
your doctor or helper every few days, have someone check up on you
every week, tell lots of people what changes you are trying to make
and ask them to keep asking you about your progress, etc.
Thinking of the "pros" comes first but once you are
seriously contemplating changing, you also need to focus on
accepting and/or decreasing the "cons" of changing. You need to
compensate for your losses. Examples: If by giving up smoking
you are losing a way to relax, you need to develop other ways calm
down when tense. If drinking less is taking you away from your
drinking buddies, you need to cultivate new friends or interact with
them when they aren't drinking. If studying more is reducing your
time with your lover, arrange to have an especially good time
during the time you have together. If becoming more assertive and
independent is creating some stress with your partner and causing
some loneliness, you may need to "work it out" with the partner
and become more involved with friends you enjoy. Taking care of
the "cons" will reduce the tendency to backslide.
