7
values, and needs are, what major purposes you are going to serve in
life. Chapter 3 provides some help with this. Your morals, values, and
philosophy of life could influence every moment of your life, so they
are of utmost importance.
Chapter 4 discusses how to stop unwanted behavior and how to
increase your motivation to do what you think you should do.
Chapters 5 to 8 explain the four major emotions of anxiety,
depression, anger, and dependency, and suggest ways of reducing
these unpleasant feelings. Chapter 9 gives us insight into our needs
and the development of our personality as well as into our
relationships. Chapter 10 deals with finding and keeping love: dating,
sex, marriage, and divorce. Chapters 11 to 15 spell out the rationale
and detailed steps involved in carrying out the major self-help
methods to treat or solve problems. You would use only one or two
methods from a "solving-the-problem" chapter on a particular
problem. Thus, you usually need to read an "understanding-the-
problem" chapter before skimming the "solving-the-problem" chapters.
Note: It would be a mistake to over-emphasize just finding
information to help you with a current problem. Remember, there are
at least three good reasons for reading about topics or problems that
don't concern you at the moment: (1) it is possible that you have a
problem but don't realize it, until you read about it. (2) It is highly
advantageous if you have read in advance about and prepared for an
upcoming, perhaps unseen, problem. For example, surely most of us
will be dumped by a lover sometime in our lives. If you have given
some forethought to coping with that situation--the irrational self-
doubts (chapter 14), the dependency (chapter 8), the feelings of
failure and self-doubt (chapter 6), the anger (chapter 7), etc.--surely
you will be better prepared for the unavoidable pain and even for
possible thoughts of suicide. (3) It is inevitable, if you have several
close, intimate friends, that they will face problems different from
yours. Your friends will be very lucky if you are well read and
understand them when they are in trouble, perhaps you can offer
them some helpful suggestions as well as steady support.
My plea is for you to accept the size of this book, the sometimes
distracting referrals to other chapters, and the hundreds of useful
references (where you can go for the best additional information, if
you need it). It is a book of knowledge, not a book for pleasure. Let
me give you an example of how you can quickly find your way around:
I'd encourage you to read the rest of this chapter, but not necessarily
now. If you are in a hurry to "get on with it," just look over the
"understandings" in bold print below and go on to chapter 2. If the
details for doing self-help in chapter 2 are also too tedious for you
now, look over the steps in bold print (that will take you two minutes)
and then go directly to the chapter(s) that interest you most. This
book can't help you if you don't read it. Use the table of contents and
the chapter indices or use the book's search engine on the title page to
get around quickly.
