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things go wrong. Sometimes they are sad, sometimes mad; it is a
"sick" situation (see later discussion).
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
-Larry Eisenbery
How Dependent Are We?
What Makes Us So Dependent?
Psychologists have done a lot of research about the attachment of
infants to their mother or primary caretaker. Three styles of
attachment are described: secure, avoidant (unemotional), and
preoccupied (very emotional). The infant/young child's attachment
pattern influences the adult's attachment styles. Within adults, the
"secure attachment" involves trust and positive, comfortable feelings.
The "preoccupied attachment" also involves a lot of emotions, both
positive and negative, but the dependent person is often obsessed
with maintaining the relationship, using various emotions and actions
to keep the lover's/caretaker's attention.
There are two types of "avoidant attachment": (a) the "dismissing
avoidant" is self-confident, self-reliant, and doesn't feel the need for a
relationship. This unemotional independence is thought to sometimes
be a defense against liking or needing someone which would expose
them to rejection or hurt. (b) The "fearful avoidant" clearly wants to
have a close relationship but is well aware of a lack of trust and fears
of abandonment. Thus, they don't let themselves get close. They
constantly feel frustrated--wanting what they can't get. Consequently,
they have lots of negative emotions--anxiety and depression--without
many positive emotions.
As teenagers we are very dependent on our parents and friends.
We rely on parents for food and shelter, for transportation, for
financial support, and so on. We rely on friends for social activities,
advice, emotional support, companionship, etc. As workers, we rely on
the supervisor for guidance, colleagues for friendship, the company for
our salary, etc. As lovers and spouses, we rely on our partner for
emotional support, meaningful discussions, physical affection, fun,
financial security, and a family. As consumers we rely on farmers for
food, seamstresses for clothing, laborers for our houses, cars, and
appliances. As citizens we rely on the government and politics for
