58
(
_id=1) found that economic factors, such as income and education, are
important determinants of a women being abused (the lower her income and
education, the more likely she is to be a victim). If a woman is abused, she is
likely to become less productive at work. So domestic violence has an impact
on the victim’s job security and on the employer’s productivity or profit as
well.
How do we start being physical?
The common belief that abusers (of children) were themselves abused as
children may only hold true in general for males, not females. In fact,
physical abuse may mean different things to women and men. In a dating or
marriage situation, the beginning steps toward severe abuse may involve
psychological/verbal/emotional aggression--yelling, swearing, threatening,
spitting, shaking a fist, insulting, stomping out, doing something "for spite"--
and slapping, shoving, or pinching (Murphy & O'Leary, 1989). There is some
evidence that early in a relationship, women do these things as often as men,
maybe more so, but men eventually cause more physical damage than
women. There is a great difference between an opened female hand slap to
the cheek and a hard male fist crashing into the face, knocking out teeth, and
breaking the jaw. The slap expresses hurt feelings; the blow reflects raw
destructive, intimidating anger. It would be wise to never start the cycle of
abuse; so, try to avoid psychological aggression, such as name calling,
insulting, and yelling (Evans, 1992). The evidence is clear that once mild
physical aggression of pushing and slapping has started, it frequently
escalates into fist fights, choking, slamming against the wall, and maybe the
use of knives and guns. Psychological or verbal aggression by either party
must be considered an early warning sign that physical abuse is possible in
the near future. Thus, take verbal assaults and rages very seriously. See the
Psychological Abuse section above.
Steps taken to build anger... or to stop it
It is helpful to think of 5 steps (choices!) taking us from the initial
frustration to intense anger in which we feel justified to express primitive
rage: (1) deciding to be bothered by some event, (2) deciding this is a big,
scary issue or personal insult, (3) deciding the other person is offensive and
evil, (4) deciding a grave injustice has been done and the offender must be
punished--you must have revenge, and (5) deciding to retaliate in an
intensely destructive, primitive way. By blocking these decisions at different
levels and thinking of the situation differently, we can learn to avoid raging
anger. Examples of helpful self-talk at each step: (1) "It's not such a big
deal," (2) "Calm down, I can handle this rationally," (3) "There is a reason
why he/she is being such a b____," (4) "Let's find out why he/she is being so
nasty," (5) "I'm not going to lower myself to his/her level... is there a
possible solution to this?" When you practice these self-control responses in
fantasy, you are using stress inoculation techniques (see method #9 in
chapter 12).
When the right juices flow, we humans tend to pair-off, one man and
one woman with the intention to have children. That is how we survived and
