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reading, etc. to avoid recognizing our aloneness. We may try
sometimes to be our unique selves, but that only highlights our
aloneness and we are driven back into the warmth of our family and
friends and social-moral causes, all of which falsely reassure us that
we are not alone.
According to Mijuskovic, the lonely, frightened, needy human race,
with remarkable facilities for creative imagination, created God. For
humans, God is an invention to cope with fears and loneliness. God is
a kindred but omnipotent being who is always there, always watching,
listening, caring, and loving us. God is our reassurance that we are not
alone, that we are not helpless, that we will not have lived in vain
(uselessly), and that we will have everlasting life. We really feel alone
in those fleeting moments when we doubt God. Yet, it is surely
possible that the human mind created God, rather than God creating
humans.
Do not miss Mijuskovic's point about aloneness: it is the nature of
humans. A belief in a personal relationship with God may lessen that
loneliness to some extent, regardless of whether God exists or not, but
it can not "cure" or change human nature. Nevertheless, it is my
opinion that religious involvement is an excellent approach to
loneliness and sadness if it draws us emotionally closer to others, if it
helps us feel loved and lovable rather than guilty, and if it actually
increases our goodness rather than our self-serving interests (La Haye,
1976). Likewise, a government that encouraged and helped each of us
to personally help others, in whatever ways we could, rather than just
forcing us to pay taxes (a cold, impersonal, unappreciated act) to do
good, would greatly reduce our alienation and lack of purpose.
The more aware, thinking, questioning, insightful, and autonomous
we are, the more we decide our own values and responsibly run our
own lives, the more we are true to our real and good selves, then we
can relate to others better, like ourselves better, and overcome
loneliness. But we will always be lonely because we need and want
more from others than they can give.
One of the more specific and practical sources of help with
loneliness is Brassell (1995). Several other books will help with
loneliness and intimacy: Lerner (1988), Burns (1985), Rubin (1983),
Bach & Deutsch (1970), Beck (1989), and Buscaglia (1984).
Loss of Status: Failure and Disappointment
The world is filled with obstacles and critics. When we try and fail,
we feel sad. Failure is often a defeat--a loss of status in the eyes of
others and/or a loss of a wish or self-respect. The more ego-involved
we are, the more bitter the loss. Generally speaking, if you don't try,
you can't be defeated or feel defeated--you haven't played the game.
Also, any life challenge or test has to be reasonable before we feel like
a failure, e.g. most of us could fail a test in advanced calculus today
