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advanced tasks (see chapter 4). Otherwise, unsatisfied needs will
demand our attention and energy. This is a possible explanation for
many of our failures in self-improvement. And the implications of these
failures are: (l) find out what unmet need is interfering with your
progress, (2) satisfy that need, and (3) go back and try again to
achieve the original self-improvement.
Purposes
To identify and effectively cope with our basic physical, safety,
belonging and love, and self-esteem needs, which, as long as
those needs are unsatisfied, will undermine our efforts at
mature love and self-actualization. Examples:
Lower Needs
Higher Needs Interfered With
Procrastinate by playing
or socializing
Responsible achievement
Sexual conquests to
build ego
Seeking love
Staying dependent on
parents
Becoming independent
Excessively seeking
attention
Self-esteem and mutual love
Seeking a mate
Fulfilling your potential
STEP ONE: Discover the need(s) that is interfering with
progress.
The place to start, rather obviously, is by observing what needs
(activities) are interfering with our achieving some goal. Read about
Humanistic theories in the motivation section of chapter 4. Look
especially for the needs to belong (have friends) and to be loved (be
part of a family) as well as for self-esteem needs (feel competent,
successful, worthwhile). These are the needs that most often interfere
with being your real self, loving unselfishly, and living up to your
potential. Using method #9 may be very helpful in finding your more
basic needs.
In addition, any of the methods at level V in chapter 15 could help
identify your hidden basic needs. Notice that method #5, reframing, in
chapter 15 is designed for exactly this purpose, and, furthermore, that
method asks unconscious parts of us to devise acceptable ways for
meeting these needs. Here we are supposedly just dealing with the
conscious mind, although we are not aware of the ways or the extent
that lower needs are messing up our lives.
STEP TWO: Plan ways to satisfy your unsatisfied basic needs.
