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Domination story—love involves a strong, frightening leader-type and
a follower.
Recovery story—love is helping a troubled person overcome serious
problems.
Garden story—love requires work and time, constant weeding and
nourishment.
Partnership story—love relationships are like a job—each person has
duties to do.
Fantasy story—a prince/princess is waiting for me; we’ll be blissful
forever.
Let’s Fight story—arguing and fighting is exciting, fun, and healthy.
Laugh-It-Off story—humor is easier and better than seriously
discussing a problem.
Multiple-Lovers story—the more attractive people I can attract the
better.
Give-and-Take story—one loves to make money, the other loves to
spend it.
Science Fiction story—attracted to strange, unusual, crazy, wild lovers.
Theater story—all the world is a stage and I love acting on it.
What is your love story?
Considering these stories (there are many possible), what is your
love story? If your story isn’t yet clear to you, consider these factors:
(1) how and with whom did you learn to love as a child? (2) What kind
of love experiences have you had—what kind of persons were
attractive to you and what kinds did you attract? What were the
attributes of your most appealing partners? What characteristics
seemed to lead to your loss of interest? (3) What ideals or dreams
about love still pluck your heartstrings?
If you are pretty sure of your love story but a relationship just
hasn’t worked out, then perhaps you can decide how your story needs
to be changed and how you need to experiment with new approaches
and expectations in love. The results of these new real life experiences
may permit you to consciously change your unconsciously developed
love story into a more satisfying life drama.
Sternberg’s “story” approach is simple, appealing, and interesting.
The stories make intuitive sense to us. One can readily imagine the
likely course of events for people with specific personalities and needs.
